I was invited to collaborate on an expert panel and share some insights on how to prepare for divorce and keep it peaceful. There are so many ways this pandemic is impacting our lives. I would like to address some things you can do when sharing your home with a partner you intend to divorce.

Living together as you plan for divorce.

Some of you may have discussed with your partner plans to divorce. Or perhaps you didn’t tell your partner yet, although you might have shared it with a close friend or relative. Maybe you’ve met with a mediator or consulted with an attorney and made plans to formally file for a marriage dissolution.

Then, seemingly overnight, you found yourself in a global crisis. Your stress is escalating due to fears about your health, the health of your loved ones, financial concerns, and job concerns. Suddenly the state of your marriage in the context of a global health pandemic can feel like way too much to handle.

How do you continue the divorce process in this ‘new’ world?

So how do you continue to manage your life in this very new and unexpected world? And how do you live with someone you no longer want to spend your life with?

Please know that it makes sense that you may be feeling very emotional. Symptoms of anxiety may be showing up, including, but not limited to, constant worried thoughts, physical pressure in your chest, sweating, trouble sleeping, frequently checking the news for the latest updates in the hope that there might be some good news amidst all the bad news.

Feelings of overwhelm can come from uncertainty in your job or adjusting to working from home. If you need to home school your child as well, you might feel pushed over the edge.

Here are a few suggestions to help you…

If you are having a hard time living with a pandemic, you can easily assume that your partner is having a hard time as well. Here are some specific suggestions for handling this difficult situation:

• Begin to explore what makes it difficult for you to accept that this is how things are for now. Remember that it is time-limited, even though it is unclear how long things will be like this. Remind yourself “this too shall pass.”
• Find healthy ways to acknowledge and express your feelings. Journal them, draw them, move them through your body by doing an online exercise workout or listen to music and dance.
• Find someone supportive to talk to. It might be a friend or a family member. It might be a therapist. Call, email, set up a video call through Facetime or Zoom or Skype. You might not want to share the state of your marriage and that’s okay. But the stress of living in a pandemic is something we all can relate to.
• Create time each day for quiet reflection. Find a free app and do a guided meditation, go for a walk, play with your dog. Read something that connects you to a spiritual perspective that offers comfort. If it’s something that helps you, make time to pray.
• Give each other space. If conversation only leads to arguments, give yourself permission to take care of yourself and avoid unnecessary interactions.
• Be kind. You might not like who you’re living with, but kindness can help how you feel about yourself. Small thoughtful words or actions can ease the tension and create a more peaceful home environment.

You can find more useful tips on how to prepare for divorce in this post we contributed to on Equitable Mediation’s website.